In God's Hands

When my mother was in the hospital I spoke to God alot, as I do now.
I asked him to guide us and I placed everything in his hands. I had (and still have) all my faith in Him. I knew that only in His mighty hands everything would be ok. Although my mom is not here today, I know that she was being guided by the best hands ever and I know that He is still here by my side. Everyday when I feel as if my life is falling apart I feel His warmth and hear His promise that everything will be ok. I've learned that I haven't loss my mom I still have her she is with me everyday and although I'm not able to see her I KNOW she is with me. When I start thinking about everything I'm reminded of things that I forgot and I remember her face. It hurts so bad. She is my mother she is irreplaceable, how will I ever be able to overcome such a loss. I think of her everyday all day, there is not a moment in my life where she is not on my mind.

I remember years ago when a couple of my co-workers and myself were having lunch and my co-worker started talking about when her mom passed away. I got goose bumps and my eyes became teary, I had to get up from the table and walk away. I never could have imagine losing her, she means the world to me. I hated that type of conversation because I never wanted to think of the day when I would no longer be able to see her.

Just like today, I feel angry that she's gone and I don't know who to be angry at. Myself? Because maybe I could have done something to prevent all of this.... I feel drained from going over every scenario in my mind over and over again. I feel helpless, because no matter what I do I will never be able to go back in time. I asked and I asked and asked and I thank you Father because I know that in your hands she is safe.